YOU'RE THE BEST....AROUND! NODOBYSGONNAEVERBRINGYOUDOWN

Gonna put this one out there guys....................
2000-2009 WAS AMAZING!!!!!

All the best stuff happened!! Some examples for y'all$:

• This blog
• Terrorism got stopped by america
• Finally got some closure on Star Wars

Yeah!! AMAZINNNGGGGGGGG
So here's my favourite records of the DECADE!!!

N.B: these are definitely not the best records that came out - everybody has their favourites!! I don't want to make anyone feel bad y'all$ D:

10. Grails - The Burden Of Hope

As y'all$ all know, the 21st-century was the century of post-rock. And still is. The "21" actually stands for the number of FX pedal$ post-rock band$ usually have. This rekkid has, I think, two pedals used throughout - one is a reverb pedal and the other one is...uh...the Grails tone-zone master blaster pedal. Safe.

9. ...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead - Source Tags & Codes

Yeah, sure, its not Madonna, the aging pop-slag, or "Madonna" - trail of dead$ amazing second album, but its real good yeah? There are no pedals used on this album apart from at the end of songs where ALL THE PEDALS are used

8. Fugazi - The Argument

"Off kilter", "riffs", "angular" - all of these things have something in common. They are all words. This is a really good record!

7. Do Make Say Think - & Yet & Yet

I love this record because it reminds me of my friend who had a power shower, with which he gave himself a colonic by pointing it up his bumhole for 20 minutes. When he turned it off his bath was flooded with brown, soupy water.

6. Sharks Keep Moving - S/T

Minus The Bear but less people have heard it so its cooler, get me

5. Thrice - The Illusion Of Safety

Really really want to be the asian guy in this band who's always playing all the sweet riffs. Asian people are amazing at everything, except writing heart-felt, teen-angst existential lyrics. Which is why they have a white guy with a beard to do all the singing.

4. Curl Up & Die - But The Past Ain't Through With Us

So amazingly depressing. Technically an EP but just so so bleak couldn't not put it in there. The guitar tone on this rekkid is the epitomy of the peanut-butter $ound pioneered by this band in the first place. REKOGNIZE.

3. mewithoutYou - Catch For Us The Foxes

Met this relly kute girl while listening to this record. Would've been number one if she'd gone down on me.

2. Modern Life Is War - Witness

SO WHAT THE FUUUUCCKCCCKKKK
ARE YOU GONNA DO KID?!?
STILL RATTLIN' THE CHAINS OF THE GATESOFTHEWORRRRLD
saaaaafe

1. Bear VS Shark - Terrorhawk

Oh, what? You haven't even heard of this? That's because you're a massive dick.

I Don't Feel Right

Tesco Whole Earth/Americano Peanut Buttero/ASDA Peanut & Cashew Butter

YO YO YO DUDES!!!
Got a bodacious post for ya this week! Not one but 3!!!! peanut butters up for review!!1 THAT'S A SPICEY MEATBALL!!1

But first, the bad news - my doctor friend Ed has told me that maths scientists has found a disturbing condition related to my favourite past-time - it is THE FEAR OF EATING PEANUT BUTTER!!!1 Thanks maths!
Ed has promised me he'll get rid of this condition also using maths - thanks Ed!!






PICTURE NOT FOUND

YEAH!!! gonna jazz it up for you guys this time!! Instead of just reviewing these THREE peanut butters I've made a quiz, and you have to guess what sort of peanut butter you'd be - tubular!!1

Question the First:
1. Where do you live?
a) America/Eastern European hovel
b) On a farm
c) On a cashew plantation

Secondth Question:
2. What is your average annual income?
a) Several groates
b) Loadsa fahkin' money
c) N/A

Question being the Third of the questions:
3. What is your main export?
a) Children/after-birth/stem cells
b) Cocaine/family law advice/houses
c) Cashews

Question of the Fourth variety of questionings:
4. What do you feel like to the touch?
a) sticky & poor
b) velvety smooth with a dusty coating of refined belgian sugar
c) nut-esque

ANSWERS:

If you answered mostly A you are - LIDL (pronunced l-ee-del) Americano Peanut Buttero
If you answered mostly B you are - Tesco Whole Earth Organic Peanut Butter
If you answered mostly C you are - ASDA peanut AND cashew peanut butter (all lower case)

GREAT STUFF!!!!
Here is a record by a band called TOE. Thanks!!!1

Media Suppository (sp???)

NEWSFLASH: STUPID ANIMALS LIKE THINGS THAT ARE FOOD (AND THAT ARE ALSO PEANUT BUTTER)
courtesy of Damon

NEWSFLASH: MAN ENJOYS PEANUT BUTTER (TOO MUCH)
courtesy of Jack

NEWSFLASH: PEANUT BUTTER IS IN THIS SEASON (MUSICALLY) - WATCH OUT COOL PEOPLE!
courtesy of Shiri

FRIEND COLLAGE!!!










NEXT WEEK:

Guest reviewer! (possibly Alex if he reads this)

TESCO WHOLENUT - THE REVIEWENING

SPRING BREAK!!!

SPRING BREAK RULES!!!!!

Spring break is coming up soon (maybe)! I am super excited about all the fun we're going to have! In England we call Spring Break "Chrsitmas", but in America, they call Spring Break...SPRING BREAK!!! I'm just imagining all the adventures I might have...



ANYWAY! This blog is about reviewing peanut-butter, not wearing hoodies or being a bear!

This installment: Tesco Wholenut Crunchy Peanut Butter
After coming under attack from one Alex Andrews for not being a conessewer (sp???) of PB because I prefer smooth, silk like textures in my mouth, I have decided to defend my coinasser (sp?!?) status by reviewing a crunchy peanut butter AND banning him from ever posting on this blog.

(Picture of Tesco Wholenut Crunchy Peanut Butter)(


(Imagine it)

I found this particular spread to be what one might call a "keeping up with the jonses but failing" spread - there is no such thing as Fair Trade peanut butter, so the next best option is WHOLENUT. However, you don't have very much money so you shop at Tescos (but you think you are too good for Lidl because it is full of old Eastern European people). THIS IS THE SPREAD FOR YOU!!!

I found it mildly pleasant, and you can certainly feel the benefit of the extra roughage in your PB as it heads directly for your colon. However, the taste, whilst initially unsurprising yet pleasing, lingers indefinitely on one's tongue - ensuring a savoury aftertaste that is horrible, yet not without its charms if you go searching in the back of your mouth with a finger when you're really hungry.

Taste: 3/5 descending to 1/5
Texture: 2/5
Cost: THE PRICE IS RIGHT


REACH FOR THE SKIIS!!!

From a Concerned Reader

I recently received an electronic letter from one of my readers, who was quite clearly "disturbed" by the contents of my latest post. After a time of upheaval for me and the peanut butter world, I would like to address this electronic letter writer and, indeed, the entire peanut butter reader/reviewer community:

Dear XXXX

I understand your concern - I've taken a lot of flak for my musings vis a vis 'the nutty butty': my hard-line policy on sunpat, my favouring of smooth over crunchy, my use of un-credited pictures of asian people - all these things have drawn staunch defenders with vocal disapproval of my opinions.

As for "deciding" whether I like it or not, this has not been a choice. Rather, it has been a time of turbulence in my mouth and in the part of my brain related to my mouth. The recent revelation I was privy to regarding Philadelphia cream-cheese shook my world to its core/its foundations/the core of its foundations. For a boy - nay, a man - raised on 'pbutter', the nut-based spread is part of my DNA. I can reject it only as much as I can eject my arm from its socket without apparently touching/yanking it out with my other arm.

It is with much gravitas and appropriate ceremony that I state that I WILL NOT ABANDON MY FAVOURITE NON MEAT BASED SANDWICH SPREAD - you have my word.

Sincerely
The person who is writing this blog and doing what-not

Normal peanut-butter reviewing services will resume FORTHWITH


(REACH FOR YOUR DREAMS)

From Your Author

Don't know where to turn stop
Can't decide whether I like peanut butter anymore stop
Have starting spreading philadelphia cream cheese on everything stop
Existential crisis stop
Will consult with doctor stop

[converted from original email in the style of a telegram]