ASDA Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I love to party!! And so does my friend and yours Andrew WK!! I love Japan! AND SO DOES MY FRIEND AND YOURS ANDREW WK!!! Andy (not Andy P) recorded this super-great album of covers of Japanese pop songs AWW IT ROCKS!! Nothing has ever rocked this hard (I'm pretty sure!)! A lot of the words are English so don't worry about not understanding - also, partying is the same in any language AS ANDREW WK SAYS!!! If I had to compare Andrew WK to a peanut butter, it DEFINITELY wouldn't be ASDA Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter.












Comparing them would be like comparing partying and gardening (both extremely enjoyable!!)

ASDA Organic Crunchy Peanut Butter is an earthy, smooth in taste yet crunchy in texture peanut butter with a dusty bite you will not expect! It also one of the saltiest peanut butters ever (NOT NECESSARILY TRUE I HAVEN'T TASTED EVERY PEANUT BUTTER EVER). There is very little sweetness to this muddy, comforting peanut butter, but don't let that put you off! It is an excellent "come-down" peanut butter, when you have been up all night dancing (perhaps at a disco) and in the morning your head hurts (because you were up past your bedtime) - have some of this on toast and your headache will feel better (a bit)!!

Taste: 3/5
Texture: 4/5 (surprisingly smooth for a crunchy peanut butter!!!)
Cost: 4/5 (very cheap! good!)

Good on you ASDA!

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Sunpat Smooth

AIIIIII
AI-HA-HA-HAAAAIII
AM BLEEDIN
FROM MOI BROKEN HOOIIRRTT

So says Johnny Truant - best cockney metal band of 2002 and worst of any year after that! Maybe it was because I was 14, but these "dudes" were totally "righteous"!! Here is their only good album, The Repercussions Of A Badly Planned Suicide! If the only repercussions these guys were feeling was making a really good album, then I might have to try this "suicide" all the kids are talking about these days!!! (Just kidding guys! I wouldn't get into heaven - : /)

The guitar sound on this album reminds me of a very dense peanut butter, with hints of a bright nuttiness throughout. Rough around the edges, and very much a "maverick" kind of flavour, nonetheless, one of the better peanut butter/guitar sounds I've tasted, with my ears. Yeah!!!

Today, I'm going back on my word and featuring Sunpat - I'm not a liar though! "In This Economy" I've had to scale back my peanut butter choices, which includes stealing Damon's peanut butter. Whoa there buddies! Did I say stealing?! I meant using without his consent ; D




Eww gross!












As we all know, this isn't a great peanut butter!! Bland, inoffensive yet subtly offensive at the same time, Sunpat is the M.E. of the peanut butter world. I put this on sainsburys taste-the-difference crumpets for my tea yesterday and it ACTUALLY RUINED THE CRUMPETS ("pikelets" for northern people)!! That made me sad : (

Taste: 1/5
Texture: 2/5
Cost: 1/5 (I shouldn't have to pay for it!!1)

The cloy factor is huge on this one too friends! AVOID AVOID AVOID

Eegh!

GUEST SPOT - PARKO PVFC

This is my friend Andy! I really wanted him to review a peanut butter for my blog, but he's sooooo busy!! So I'm going to conduct an imaginary interview with him about his crippling fear of peanut butter! Excitement, thy name is blogosphere!

Mark: Hi Andy!
Andy: Hi Mark! Thanks for interviewing me!
Mark: You're welcome Andy! Now, why are you scared of peanut butter?
Andy: I don't know Mark! Maybe I don't have a soul?
Mark: I'm sure you do Andy!

Wow! What a great interview! I'd like to thank imaginary Andy for answering all my questions!

Here's a record!

It's by a band called the JAPANDROIDS!!! Great name guys! Everyone loves Japan AND robots - smart dudes! This record is GREAT for summertime, as they sing about kissin' girls and havin' fun! Right on! I feel ya guys! Their guitar sound is reminiscent of a peanut butter sandwich, but a light, posssibly low fat peanut butter on a fluffy slice of thick hovis! That's great!

Waitrose Own Brand Peanut Butter

Wow! Do you remember when young people had feelings? It seems that these days all they do is beat up grannies or ride single speed bicycles! Or both!

Camel understands about feelings - their super fun album Mirage is full of 'em! NOT REALLY! Camel invented prog, and anyone who thinks otherwise is totally wrong about this! I know what you're thinking super-buddies, "prog is dumb and for nerds!" or "its not called prog its called yacht-rock". They are both true! So don't tell anyone that you got this from me, SUPER-UNCOOL.

This is really the only good prog album ever - there are riffs and flute solos but they are always what Jimmy Chong calls "solid jams" - I feel ya Jimmy!

Onto peanut butter - MEMORY TEST! I remember once eating Waitrose own-brand peanut butter at my neighbour's house, in a sandwich. Wowee! It was really good!

I can't find a picture of it, so here is an adorable picture of an Asian person in Waitrose.

























The only thing I remember about Waitrose own brand peanut butter is that it is SUPER TASTY. Dang! Sorry guys!

Taste: 5/5!
Texture: 5/5!
Cost: 0/5 (Oh man! I want to buy some when I was 8 and it was super expensive for an 8 year old! Jeez!)

To conclude, this peanut butter probably is the best peanut butter ever! Yeah!

Tesco Own Brand Smooth Peanut Butter

A haiku:

Five percent, of your
Daily calorie intake
Not very tasty

Issue two of my blog is about peanut butter, but I also diversified into Bear Vs Shark's seminally happy-good-times record Right Now You're In The Best of Hands, And If Something's Not Quite Right, Your Doctor Will Know In A Hurry! Wow! That's a long title! But also very reassuring (thanks bear vs shark guys)!

Every track on this record is great! I wouldn't have put it up if it wasn't though - silly! A lot of people have called this album "pop-punk", but they're dumb. This record takes influence from motown, but I couldn't find it in there - I just call it good times super fun! Apart from two tracks which make me sad D:, but then the rest of the tracks make me feel even happier afterwards, so that's really good! Overall I would give this album Four High Fives! Yeah!

I am also reviewing Teso Own Brand Smooth Peanut Butter





Uh Oh this one is crunchy!

This peanut butter is bland and inoffensive. When I had my sandwich for lunch today I forgot what I was eating halfway through - IT IS THAT BORING. If it was a person they'd study economics and love "going out with the lads" - their facebook page would be very dull indeed! Oh dear!

Taste: n/a
Texture: 3/5
Cost: 5/5 (my mum bought it for me! that's value!)

To conclude, I would say this peanut is not great, or even good. But I would eat it - yum!

Skippy Smooth

Leeeeeeeeet's

blog!

Yay!

So this issue of my blog is about this great record by Fu Manchu called GODZILLA ('s eatin' dust)! Yeah! It rules! The first track is great! Then there's some less good stuff in the middle, but then you get this old version of Mongoose which you may have heard on California Crossing or on this record if you actually liked Fu Manchu before Tony Hawk's 2 came out (you are in the minority). The whole point of this record is the last track however, which is a cover of Blue Oyster Cult's "seminal classic" (never heard it) Godzilla. Dudes! The Fu Manchu version is so much better (I'll bet)! It's just like one riff and it's played through a peanut butter sandwich! Fuck yeah! If you can get their live album, there is a 400 minute version of the song on there as well. It's great!

Also, I haven't seen a blog which addresses the myriad of peanut butters available out there, so I'm going to review different peanut butters as well! Yeah!

This time, I'm reviewing my current staple Skippy Smooth.

(here is a picture of skippy smooth)

I like this peanut butter. I remember my mum had a membership to Costco, which is just a big warehouse with a tesco's inside. They had 20 kg of skippy crunchy for two pounds, so my mum would buy up that stuff by the tonne. You can't sniff at a saving like that. So I'd have it in my sandwiches for everyday for 6 months and I did. Not. Like. It.

TOO SWEET
SWEET LIKE CHERRYADE

But that was when I was 12. Now I am a man! And I like the smooth variety, I do I do. It is sweet, but not too sweet (see above). The butter itself does not stick to the roof of your mouth (forthwith to be referred to as it's "cloy factor"), but, unlike many other peanut butters, slides from the bread onto your tongue. It has some kind of x-factor which prevents it from being transferred to your mouth roof though, which is just great.

I find that skippy smooth is complimented best by white bread, FRESH, NOT DEFROSTED. You ever find that when you defrost bread it smells like jam? I fucking hate jam. Errrghh. Don't make the slices too thick! The skippy smooth does not penetrate through a thick slice - you want medium slice at best otherwise you are cheating yourself out of the flavour. Sorry.

Taste: 4/5
Texture: 3/5
Cost: hella expensive, 2/5

Overall this is a great (but not fantastic peanut butter), which I have been forced into eating on a regular basis because the Sainsburys in Beeston does not stock anything apart from that and Sun-Pat. I'm not buying Sun-Pat!

YEAH